What I Think About Hope. And Why If You Hope Too Much, You Begin To Wish You Never Did.

Last time I checked, which was Monday in ELA, I found myself in the middle of 3 books. One, Army of One by Janet Sarbanes, was on my, desk. Two, The Wild Things by Dave Eggers was in my purple school bag, and Nine Horses by Billy Collins was in my hand.

This happens to be a lot, the time that I find myself reading more than one book. And every time, I am very surprised when I discover that I am in the middle of so many books.

And surprises, more specifically surprise endings, are exactly what I write about this week.

If you read last week's post, you'll discover my weakness when it comes to writing in books. I just can't seem to figure it out. But a few days ago, while I was reading Army of One by Janet Sarbanes, something urged me to draw a big fat exclamation point all over the page. Army of One is a book of short stories that make me laugh, cry, think, and smile. Janet has this amazing ability to dive into every single story individually. Each story comes from a different perspective, and even though there is such separation from one story to the next, no matter what you can always hear a little bit of Janet's voice in each story. It doesn't matter how different each story is, or whether or not one is sad and one is depressing, I can always hear Janet's unique voice.

As for surprises...

In Janet's second story of the book, Join Hands she takes you through each year of elementary school for Grace. It is 1973, and a new idea to be mixing blacks and whites in the same school. Each year, Grace's friendship with Nikki, an African American, a best friend, changes. In 3rd grade, they are best friends.

Sleepover and all.

And then, it's ruined. When Nikki's father, who runs an African American newspaper, tells Nikki that she can no longer be friends with Grace. At first, I didn't know what to think.

Have you ever had a best friend? Who you knew would always be there for you? No matter WHAT. It didn't matter what anyone said, you and that special someone would always be together. Just as long as you two were together, nothing else in the world had meaning. It was just the two of you fighting off everyone that came in your way.

So when I read that, according to Nikki's dad, she and Grace couldn't be friends anymore, though I was frustrated, I wasn't worried. I wasn't worried that, just by saying that, Nikki's father could keep them apart. They really had something.

I kept reading. Hoping to come across the scene I had written in my head. The one where Nikki comes to Grace's house after not speaking for some time, and decide that no one can tell them they can't be friends. Because they already are, and they always will be.

I kept reading.

And reading.

And reading.

Andreadingandreadingandreadingandreading...

But nothing was happening! Nikki had made a new friend. Who her father accepted. And the whole time, Grace is just watching from the sidelines. She's getting crushed.

So was I.

We both, Grace and I, waited around way too long. Hoping something good was going to come out of this. But everything just got worse for Grace, and better for Nikki, who didn't even seem upset from the beginning.

??

After feeling sorry for both me and Grace, I finally reached Graduation. Where the whole school sings together, "We Shall Overcome." They join hands with the person next to them, no matter what the race.

Oh! THIS is what I've been waiting for. Grace is going to turn around and see Nikki holding her hand waiting to sing for the last time with her best friend.

But this is where I went wrong, and realized that Grace was the one that just learned to accept what had happened. She knew that Nikki was out there in the audience somewhere, and there was nothing she could do that could bring her over to the seat next to her. It didn't matter anymore. All she could do was sing.

I'll admit my shock. When I turned the page, I still had some hope that there would be an epilogue where Grace and Nikki become best friends again. But all I saw was the title of the next short story.

It was funny to think that the character in this make believe story had matured and accepted reality faster than I did.

Having hope for a happy ending is always a great thing to remember to do. Though sometimes you're just not in control of the ending, no matter how much you hope.

Please read this book.

Or at least this story.

It's my new mentor text.