Sunday, April 18, 2010

Page Folding

I've never written in my books.

I've never written notes in the front cover; I've never highlighted sentences.



Now that I think of it, I've never actually folded any pages either.

And so, when you see that I've written in one of my books, you know that it's a pretty big deal. It probably means I’ve come across an amazing line, or something that just really provoked me. If you flip to page 139 in my copy of The Wild Things by Dave Eggers, a book based on the screenplay of the movie which was itself based on the children’s book Where The Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak, you’ll see that I actually did write something. That something was a bracket. (Even though I can’t draw brackets for my life.)

 Enclosed is a conversation between Max and Carol. Max is, of course, the boy who we all know escapes through his imagination to a mysterious world after having a fight with his parents. Carol is one of the many beloved Wild Things:

Max and Carol continued down a winding path.
"Do you guys have parents?" Max said.
"What do you mean?" Carol said.
"Like a mother and a father?"
Carol gave Max a puzzled look. "Of course we do. Everyone does. I just don't talk to mine because they're nuts."


When I first read this I went right over it. Now, don't think I didn't register it at all. I read it as I do every word in a book. I read it, I thought about it, and I moved on. I didn't spend any extra time on it; I didn't circle, highlight, draw a heart or a question mark next to it. It was not until later on that I realized how incredible that short passage really was; how amazingly brilliant it felt to read. When I went back to reread that part, I smiled, almost laughed. It made me feel connected to myself and every character in the book. Then I began to wonder why.

 I started thinking about how differently Max and Carol handled their problems with their families. The reason Max runs away in the first place was because his whole family was driving him crazy. Carol leaves his family for reasons the reader doesn’t learn. Comparing the different ways Max and Carol handled their family conflicts, I first found both of the ways these characters dealt with their internal problems faulty. Later on, I realized that one of them handled their broken family better than the other.

Carol chooses not to associate with his family, but at least brings them into a conversation. He acknowledges them. Carol isn't embarrassed about who and where he comes from. Max on the other hand, is ashamed.

Shame is something that makes you not want to project yourself to the world. Shame makes you bury yourself underneath the people who are living their lives openly and it makes you blend in, and be nothing. I think that not only is Max leaving his one and only family, he is pretending they do not exist. He is trying to live life without them.

 Just like families go through good times and bad, Max does also. As I said I before, Max definitely has traits that I am not always pleased with or proud of. He is a very angry kid. He ruins things without even realizing it, and does dangerous things when he loses his temper. According to Dave Egger’s novel, Max escapes to the Wild Things - from the discomfort of his own home.

Now that I feel able to count Max as a person that I know, I have also learned something truly amazing about him. He’s really not all shame. Max stands out in a crowd the second he enters. I haven't seen him in our world, but I have seen him in my imagination and I have a feeling that his smile shines like the sun. 

 So Max, like every thing and person in the world, has a good and bad side. But one of the worst parts of his bad side I'm most worried about, and just hurt by, is that he would ignore, and try to forget his family.

 To forget your family, is to forget you.

 As much as I love Max, that's something I can't seem to understand. It's common for everyone to be angry, even if Max can be a bit angrier than your average kid. But knowing that Max would forget about his family makes me remember why I look forward to the end of every fight that I have. When I make up with my family, it’s the best part of all because I haven’t cut them out of the picture in the first place. In fact, being able to engage in fights with them builds strength within me, and my family as a whole. Being able to tolerate the conflict means we’re a resilient unit.

This is something I simply don't know if Max has the strength to do. When you think about it though, it’s been a picture book, a movie and now a novel. Maybe the next adaptation will allow Max to go beyond what he’s only capable of right now.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Finding a Voice

Every time I read a book, I hope that some of the author's techniques will rub off on me. Judy Blume has a very particular tone, she has the ability to capture the voice of a young kid. Ever since I read my first Judy Blume book, my character's voices sound similar to her's.

Sometimes, the book has no affect on how I write my next piece. The words just flow in and out, and though its disappointing, I just have to remember that there are millions of other books for me to learn from.

This week, I am reading what has to my new favorite book next to The History of Love which I just finished. And I am happily learning new things from this one. The Wild Things by David Eggers is my idea of a perfect book. The picture book by Maurice Sendak has always been one of my favorites. From naming all of the Wild Things my own personal names, and maybe even developing my love for warm soup from it, it's an amazing book that I will always love.

And then the movie... That made me go crazy with tears. I've never cried at movies before. This one caught me a bit off guard. And ever since I've seen it, I cry at almost every one.

The whole idea of turning a 10 page picture book into a 300 page novel never occurred to me before for an idea for a book. I also never realized that though I do know that I want to write a book, I don't know what kind. And I always imagined my book to be a random idea I developed in a dream. Or something I thought of day dreaming one day. But the whole concept of taking a well loved picture book and turning it into something even greater was always a blur for me. And now, from reading this book, I have developed that idea.

I also think a lot about voices. I'm wondering if Dave Eggers has a good voice for Max. And the Wild Things. And Claire and Gary. And maybe since now my voice is similar to Judy Blume, in a way, I should be picking a picture book alike to that voice. But what will my voice be in 10 years? Will it be Judy Blume? A. A. Milne? Or Audrey Bachman?

Will I develop a voice of my own? For someone else to learn from?

Maybe that's the real dream I wish to pursue. To be someone's mentor. For them to look up to me, learn from me, from a passion that we both love.

Writing.

But I guess what will never make sense to me is that I will always know part of what I want, but I'll never know what will complete my dream. And though you could say that since I'm writing it, it does make sense to me, it really doesn't and it might never will. I know what my dreams are. That's for sure. But the reality of my dreams I don't know. But I am always learning, and what I can say for sure is that one of my best sources of learning, are books.